Writer’s Block or Just Grieving?
Before my daughter went to her permanent residence in heaven I found it easier to write and post on my blog. I felt like it was cathartic in many ways. It helped me to get the word out and tell the story about all the wonderful things the Lord is doing on the Border, the Baja and Beyond. I also shared some of my personal musings and reflections as I deemed it appropriate.
I wouldn’t say that I don’t enjoy writing now, but I would say it’s harder. In some of the books I’ve read about grief, they mention how many of the things that used to bring us joy are now hollow. I feel that at times, and even though in a few days we will hit the five month mark there are still a rollercoaster of emotions that I experience. I wish there were another way, but I don’t think there is. I believe that all in all Dawn and I are doing well considering what we are passing through. Yet, it’s still painful. There are still those moments where we want to scream out, Why? Why? Why? Fortunately, the Lord doesn’t leave us there he comforts us, and many friends surround us.
God Does Sustain Us in Our Suffering!
A little over a week ago our friend and pastor, Stephen Phelan asked Dawn and me to share in church about how the Lord sustains us in our suffering. I thought I’d share some of that here with you as well, including a dream that our friend Marissa had.
I Miss My Beautiful Radiant Daughter
I miss my daughter. I’m glad Hannah is dancing and partying in heaven, whatever that looks like, but I want to hold her and hug her again. I want to see her beautiful radiant smile in living color. There is a hole now that can’t fully be filled. That is my grief, that is my mourning song. I’m learning firsthand how cruel death is.
God is Good, He Holds Me Tight
There’s a lot I don’t understand. I don’t understand why my daughter had to die at such a young age? Now I wonder why just a few months after Hannah’s early home going, why does my dad have to have inoperable lung cancer? Why do we have to endure two hard things so close together?
Grieving With My Mechanic
I told him how my daughter had died, and that it was hard. I said, “my faith gives me hope, and that I grieve, but not like those without hope.” He said, “that is easy to say,” and I responded, “no it’s not really, because I don’t get to hug my daughter anymore, I don’t get to kiss her and tell her I love her. I don’t get to go out for coffee or have any dates with her. I don’t get to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. All our dreams and aspirations are gone.”
Marissa’s Dream
I woke up today feeling a really intense feeling of happy and sad. I had a dream I saw both of you and Jon and David standing by a bench, we were in Heaven from how peaceful and joyful I felt. There was a girl sitting with her back turned towards me, but she had soft brown curled hair just like Hannah would wear hers when she lived with us. I thought “no, there’s no way that could be Hannah”. She turned around and immediately I burst into something that was crying, squealing and laughing all at the same time. I somehow managed to say “I really thought I would never see you again!! I really felt like this day would never come!! I can’t believe this is you!!” And she just looked SO healthy. Healthier, more joyful, incredibly at peace, and everything about her just glowed, and so so content. I wish I could describe it. She hugged me tight and just said “see? I told you it wouldn’t be long until I would see you guys again! I told you not to worry because I’m with Jesus!”I feel encouraged and sad, because we’re still on the other side of this dream and it DOES feel like it’s taking forever to be able to join her. But in the dream, I could tell I had been waiting so long to see her, but once I looked back it was nothing compared to the eternity we now had to catch up. It was one of the strangest feeling I’ve had in a dream.Praying for you all today ❤️❤️
“For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalms 30:5 ESV
7 Comments
By Mary Lichlyter
Love you all!
By Pure Glory
A big hug to you snd your family. May God’s comfort surround you.
By diasolifeontheborder
Thank you we appreciate it!
By Heidi Griffith
Thank you, Dave, for all of what you shared here (and have shared elsewhere). You (and Dawn) are wonderful writers (and speakers)! You honor Hannah with grace and tenderness. And you give crystal clear glory to our God.
I pray our Heavenly Father will give you and Dawn beautiful, powerful, vivid dreams of comfort like Marissa’s. And in the meantime until we each join Hannah, may God help us all to behold Hannah’s life in heaven as real, reassuring us that the best of our lives is yet to come!
Love to you and Dawn!
By diasolifeontheborder
Thank you so much. You and your family are one of our biggest encouragers! Blessings to you!
By sustainabilitea
We haven’t gone through this (thank the Good Lord) and although my husband’s parents have both died, mine are still doing well at 88 and 87. So I have filled holes that will be empty one day. Losing a child has to be even worse. I can only imagine and never want to know for sure. But I do know that lesser problems can make doing what was joyful not joyful at all or even an absolute chore. I think that soldiering on is the only way. (Are you familiar with Toby Mac’s “Move [Keep Walkin’]? http://tinyurl.com/h5rbhr7 It’s a wonderful song that’s so applicable here!) We just keep doing and praying and trusting until joy seeps back into our lives a bit at a time or maybe, sometimes, like a dam breaking.
janet
By diasolifeontheborder
Thanks for your note. I am familiar with Toby Mac’s video, another friend suggested it not long ago. The Lord carries us through this time, but some days are harder than others. I’m grateful that we are doing as well as we are considering what we are passing through.
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